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The First Time I was Fingered; aka My Ex's Asshole Brother

This post was prompted by Saraid's post: Fear and Loathing: My experience with male entitlement and sexual harassment.

This content may be triggering.

In 2006, my sophomore year of high school, I had broken up with my boyfriend of nearly a year and was really enjoying my freedom. I loved flirting with any guy I wanted to. But I wasn't ready for another commitment, which I think was obvious in how flighty and sporadic I behaved.

I had always had a thing for older guys, not a whole lot older, but I had mostly dated people younger than me. It was wrong and kind of gross of me to do, but I started having a "thing" for my ex's brother. Besides flirting at school, we started to hang out, which of course pissed my ex off to no end. I paid no attention though, and continued playing with fire.

One night, he was taking me home and laid his movies on me. We made out in his car in the driveway. He was a bad kisser, his lips and saliva kind of going everywhere, and he let his sloppy hands wander. I don't know why I didn't stop him.

Eventually we stopped and went inside to my room and popped in a movie. The lights were off, and we sat there, not doing anything. But eventually he asked me to give him a handjob. I was taken aback, but of course he didn't see my face in the dark and he whipped himself out anyway. I managed to say no, but he was playing with himself and wouldn't give up, even though I was insistent that he "put it away - my parents are home".

He got handsy again, and before I knew it, his hand was down my pants and under my underwear. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do at all. I sat there, utterly speechless as he enjoyed himself with one hand and tried to "pleasure" me with the other. I weakly tried to pull his hand out of my drawers, but mentally I was already miles away, and just gave up. He finished, and thankfully into some tissue.

A few minutes later, my parents came up and said it was too late to be having company, so he left and that was that. After that, I never spoke to him again, and since have heard story after story about his behavior. Apparently he believes himself to be quite the ladies' man, but has an endless history of douchebaggery.

I know that in part it was my fault too, and since have become a lot stronger and confident in myself. I was a dumb kid then, but I wouldn't hesitate to put anyone in hir spot if s/he were to lay any part of hir body on me without permission.

So, anyone out there, don't let some inconsiderate person take advantage of you. Don't worry about displeasing them, or causing a scene; it's your body and anything sexual should be consentual with good intentions. Stick up for yourself, because you're not always going to have someone there to do it for you.


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